a good day in February

as I walk this morning was able to get both shoes on. It was 5:00 a.m. in Hammond Louisiana and I was still tired it was going to be a very big day moving from Louisiana and having someone help me because of my disablement he was a kind man his name is Russell he’s 72 years old and he’s got great legs and I hit it off with him the first time I met him. Anyways he has a girlfriend he showed me pictures one upon arrival he was very chivalrous and the kind of soul I’ve met so far. Today I moved into the motel 6 in Gulfport Mississippi I’m still homeless I’m still much enabled by my disablement it’s very hard to be able to write it’s very difficult to remember there’s a lot more stimulus here though I’m right next to the Krispy Kreme donut shop which gives me hope and remembering good times with my when I lived here. When I lived here I was vibrant I was rolling over and doing many things and being able to put my shoes on and helping others and being a GSR of I had a church and people that I got to know unity of pass Christian some of these places no longer exist I am trying to get connected with those that may or may not know me but I am learning to find the family that is around me anyone I meet now is family. I have a lot to be grateful for my body may not show it in my words and sometimes I need to scream really bad so I try to be grateful some more I try to remember good times like on the upper peninsula of Wisconsin or maybe it’s Michigan I don’t know I’m pretty sure it’s connected to Wisconsin and Michigan just owns it anyways that was a wonderful summer with my dog sunny and my partner and motor home as we traveled for a year and let God handle it now I’m doing the same thing and not expecting different results but accepting that which I have and that I have enough always and that’s all that’s important if I need something I should talk and ask and reach out and try to get to the door mostly I need to go very very slow. So I can remember to take one foot in front of the other and I don’t fall in my endeavor too create and make a new life here and Gulfport and maybe someday be able to paint again I reached out enough today. And I’m getting to watch some TV and I have the comedy channel so life is good for me so I know that’s not a lot for everyone but it’s enough I have a room a toilet hot water and I’m trying to better myself and stay alive I may not want to stay alive I may not desire or need to stay alive but I do and God has a plan for me and maybe it’ll get easier as Life goes on as I reach out to the new family that I call at motel 6 there’s chartreal and Dale and my neighbor deja I don’t know if this is riding correctly my computer for me. But at this point I am just doing the best I can and hearing my own voice and trying to write down what I know about today it was a lovely drive and the tornado weather went East and the sun Shone down and it got warm enough and today was a good day I would mark it on my calendar as a good day there was nothing wrong with today except my feelings and my PTSD still inside me there’s a scream that needs to be straight screamed but that’s okay maybe I’ll laugh at something tonight on Jon Stewart maybe I’ll laugh enough that I won’t cry maybe I’ll cry enough that I won’t scream but today I reached out I reached out to look for others to be of service as I was of service to others as I paid it Forward 20 years before now my daughter is speaking with me and I am grateful and she’s going to get married and she’s beautiful and and I am grateful for that sake as it is that she is a beautiful girl that wasn’t hurt as a baby and wasn’t hurt as a child and then she grew up with some normality and she has no issues concerning the isms of America or of this Masonic child I love her so deeply that she could never know how much I gave up for her and how unless and how unirate and how love conquers all. I care deeply for her father that raised her he was a good man and he was my white knight with a red javelin so I hope to sleep well knowing all these things sharing all these things until I’m able to continue with the next day and the next until I can accumulate a few more good days until I get accumulate another special day that I can call okay that today I didn’t hurt but I can’t say that I can barely move but I still do I don’t know how God works in my body but I wish it would work a little harder I know that I have to move in order for my body to work but it’s too just uncomfortable but my frustration of my determination always went out and I get my ass up one more time so thank you Jesus Joseph and Mary God thank you so much blessings to all that read this or don’t read it but thank you.