when I drove my name it was jelly Bean. My husband gave that to me cuz he would always say you know what I mean jelly Bean now I’ve driven for a lot of outlaw truckers and Arkansas I started driving in 1990 and my husband got a grandfathered in I was very good at what I did. It was amazing to have such ease with such scary times I hit my first snow storm in the San Diego mountains and that was a shock because it was a whiteout and I just had a snow plow to holler at and finally find and then my husband would just sleep in the back and look out every once in awhile and trust in me and I guess that gave me trust in myself I white knuckled it and I learned to breathe and that’s what you do when you try something new. I’m now at disabled enabled woman at the time I still had my disease JRA and I lied to become a truck driver we drove for many companies in Arkansas mostly Tyson foods when we got to a company that was a 401 interesting and 401k had all the things we needed to become society members i. I was able to do our taxes we bought a house in Clinton Arkansas we did quite a lot of things and their stories to all of them I have to get some of this out of me before I can’t remember them and while I am near a truck stop. Presently I’m homeless I have left temporal lobe damage after falling at a truck stop in 2000 December 13th 2000 in Tennessee I fell I reported the incident but I was under a load and it was sealed. Everything went in slow motion after that but as I got closer to Memphis to get the load home. There was an ice storm on this way in Arkansas so I had to get it back to the yard at pro trucking I did this but I took a nap and looked at the hospital in West Memphis Arkansas said no I don’t think so and when I woke up from the nap I was a different person I was angry I was very forthcoming and choppy in my speech maybe even slurry I might have had a TIA while sleeping not sure my partner at the time noticed all these things but we could do nothing about it for 3 days. After 3 days my arm wasn’t bending I went to urgent Care in North Little Rock and then they said there wasn’t anything they could do and I got workman’s comp for a month but then they wanted me to go back to work so I did even though everything started becoming the igloo this is pre-phones this is when we had to go to phone Banks and we had to call phone home and phone to get our dispatches and faxing and it was old school if not meet him at school at the best the ’80s I had left my husband after an incident in 1999 so I was going through it. So I was going through a divorce bankruptcy and I had left temporal love damage which was discovered 3 years later and began having seizures. I was probably having seizures most of my life and I did not know it as they are a different type of seizure than I had ever known about it took a doctor here in Gulfport Mississippi to alert me to the type of seizure I have. That was by 2003 when I got my disability I could not stand the cold weather anymore. And when I was tight with Tyson foods Tyson foods I was the only woman in a dedicated run from Arkansas to the Gulf where we took chicken breasts and put them on cargo ships and they took him to Russia etc. I knew a lot of guys on that run it was a easy run and I would do it three or four times a week maybe even one and a half times a day we work and work and. I now am a homeless woman that is my story that is part of my story I have driven on ice snow I’ve had a a snowstorm chase me down across the country and then land in North Carolina finally making me put chains on. While on the highway I watch people in their cars watching me get under my truck and get those chains on those big ass tires I was an amazing woman. My husband seem not to ever hit in Clement weather I’m sorry that the computer doesn’t spell ll correctly for me and I can’t correct it a last April I was evicted from my mother’s house she may have her own problems and I could no longer take care of her and she could no longer stand to see the side of me I can understand that I love my mother dearly and my brothers my story is long and harsh and my computer doesn’t work and say what I wanted to say I don’t know how to do run on sentences or all I know how to do is run on sentences. Occasionally I can say. And it works I no longer have my period I’m 60 years old I’ve been a victim of violent crimes in New Orleans in the last two months after landing and New Orleans on November 22nd yes even the homeless can buy a ticket on an airplane we are the few we are the hidden we hide in our cars so we won’t be noticed in we pretend we’re just travelers which we are we’re nomadic beings which we all used to be. I grew up that way being nomadic after every operation we would go on a trip back east before interstates were interstates and roads were sometimes dirt and we always threw the bottles out so we would have reflectors in the dark that was part of of life in America. For me I don’t understand people that can’t sleep at the beach I don’t understand people that aren’t bothering other people we pick up trash we make a home with it we recycle our our trash we we pick up after you all that don’t even notice us. We don’t need a relationship we need a home we need to help up not a handout we don’t need all the stuff people think that we need. I lived on the brain injury program in New Mexico call me via and it gave me $33,000 worth of stuff it did it helped it helped in recovery and helped in learning about what it was important to my life but in the end it was still just stuff and you can’t take it with you the less I carry the better I am I can’t even hold a bottle of water. JRA and disablement is a devastating disease I can’t even get what I need in an emergency room I’ve had. I’ve had homeless shelters won’t even call 911 when I need it. They’re making laws to make more people go into these treatment centers so they can make money. Alcoholism addictions any of these things are money makers. My brother taught me that and I believe him now I watched. I’ve observed I’ve experienced a lack of character of this country the character that said for the grace of God go I. I’m watching movies and I’m in a nice motel now but life is as it should be for the moment I’ve been in motel programs where they’ve stolen my mail I’ve been in treatment centers where they’ve stolen everything from me my purse my wallet my passport everything of any value and that’s what happens to people when they have no one to call to reach out to to have support from but you have to call an attorney and they say oh we can’t take your case it’s just too complicated well I’m a complicated being I’ve been that way since I was born and I can’t help it I would like to be simple I’d like to be able to eat a piece of fruit I’d like to have be able to have a kitchen and hopefully when I get back to Gulfport and maybe they will have the help I need but I can’t live a life of doctors there’s no way a life of doctors is worth a life at all they do not have the answer. I’ve been a massage therapist against my mother’s wishes I gave up my job at Tyson and became a massage therapist and a lovely lady in my Al-Anon group took care of me the best she could. But I was still full of pride and ignorance and arrogance trying to be independent in a dependent world. We are all dependent on each other to smile to make each other console to make each other alive that’s all I know I write this because I need to hear my own voice I suppose or to get it out of me I’m grateful for the time I was a truck driver. I’m grateful that I’m still here I guess even though every day and every minute of every day I can be afraid for falling and I know it will hurt and I know I might not wake up or I’ll be unable to speak so I’m riding my right speaking my truth is this constitution says and hope someday that we don’t have to go through this election year s*** that we can find a world that’s more than the sum of that democracy is not democracy without Love happy Mardi gras truth and Justice prevail signed Cayc