when I was born I was born with a very evil DNA from the moment I was born I knew my life would be very very difficult looking for Truth and Love and humanity. I died two or three times before I was 9 years old when I was diagnosed with a chronic incurable disease and at that time I also took on all the grief and shame from my mother and became an adult in a way and no child should ever have to be. So my life has been lived in denial of people saying they love me and that they didn’t even know what love was and neither did I there was a special part of me that knew that lovement being out of pain there was a social part of me that said love meant that you were included you are part of. And then there was just the child needing nurturing meeting needing always needing the worst drug of all. God filled my heart my soul showed me who I truly was in so many ways in those quiet moments that no one could ever take away other than my own mind and then all I know is God’s taking it I never have to write a book cuz I believe my book is already been written. I am who God would want me to be I have loved deeply loyally cherished and honored and learn great values in this life I let go a very special things and left many very special places thinking I’d be able to remember or come back as I now know at the end of my life those things will not happen I must accept that all my life I’ve Loved people that have harmed me and that these last few years that maybe strangers have harmed me have not at all hurt as much as what I go through now they say we all have mother issues I have had some amazing wonderful loving caring women in my life they wanted nothing from me there was no conditions they were very rare and they came in for a season and a reason and they never stayed. I believe it’s so I could grow up I’m still growing everyday I may not be able to do what you can do and I pray that you may never know what I go through. There are so many people that are alone that others think about and think about calling and never do the older but quieter the forgotten the folks on the street the folks have no need no feet no water no home but they know the truth about this country and humanity. For me I still feel this treat is a safer place than where I’m at the stress involved in getting shelter is too much is really just too much for the first time in my life I’m saying no more I deal with my life each day to the best of my ability I eat what I can what I’m able when I’m able to open what I’m able to deal with in my anatomy managing my own care managing my own life physically mentally and spiritually since I have no control over the spiritual other than that I’ve given and know what’s truth to me I pray that all have that understanding that surpasses everything else a call beautiful unrippled water that we called time.
a good woman a good mother and a very good friend let me know that I no longer have to harm myself in order to get my needs met I am at the end of my life relief is the only thing that need is needed for so after living for 60 something years in denial of people that love you and truly do not know what the words mean that seem to enjoy harming you whether they know it or not and you start to realize that nothing’s very real to you so you have to reprocess every day and today the root of a lot of issue came up again to be reprocessed nurturing need two things a human child needs to survive to thrive. Those things were not chosen for me my life has been very spiritual very serious and it never has stopped except when I stop breathing. I pray some of this blah blah blah kid touch someone in the understanding that the greatest thing you can give to thyself is to be true to yourself and know that you were born a blessed child of God and you are here for a reason a season and a lifetime this one or the next I will not disagree with who God made me and I will not let people try to change that which God has made so thank you thank you to the special woman that allowed me to write and be unless evening and gratefully July is almost over so God bless you all amazing Grace spirit always watch over you and that the drums keep rolling on so be it