praise God I’m trying

I’m trying to be 🥲 I am grateful. I’m grateful for the last year and learning so much about myself and others and how we treat each other in this world music my coping skills how I’ve lived this long with a disease that is just like ALS or cancer it just doesn’t kill you unless you take their drugs I drive down but then I stop so I never was part of any of these class action suits for the last 50 years and you know we can’t charge the federal government and doctors with what they’ve done but they are of no help to me now it seems managed Care just that you’re somebody going to harm you in waves that are unimaginable. Homelessness is a way and be with the land the Earth and your surroundings that is peaceful and kind to others generally at least that’s how I was and of course I was hard but generally by the establishment generally by the homeless shelters that wouldn’t let 911 be called for the hospitals that I am gay out of the gratitude that I have for the dogs and the creatures that have come to me that said you don’t deserve this yes I talked to animals I always have. I was once asked for I asked what someone believed in God and how I must have been about 5 or so and my uncle told me he believed in the Indian way anyways he later died in a Bible with lots of pain and evil people around him giving him more and the world at Large God bless him there’s a strong tall man made it to you. Now I’m 62 and I’m trying to breathe I have to ask for everything this weekend I’m alone least I be forgotten. No family no friends just God just a new understanding and I guess I am supposed to be polished in pain and suffering just as my Christ was. I have never felt such horrendous and atrocious feelings in my body and I’ve been in pain all my life. So now it’s different as my River comes to an end someday. I have had a new excruciating pain in my left side this morning and I thought well I could have it in Melissa I can let go teach me Lord to let go ease the pounding of my heart by the quieter of my mind chilling all that is and leaving all behind for my body weeps while it sleeps it burns it’s needles nice aching that never ever stops hi babe I please and that’s prayer to be I can’t remember all the things because the mind goes blank completely and utterly with the brain injury that’s odds occurred will make it through today happy memorial day everyone Godspeed may remember what this day truly is for every moment of every day there’s someone coming your way that you could be caught too a creature baby I have a cat baby living under my porch and my baby getting a new neighbor on the other side of the porch I get to hear the birds and the morning all through watch the shadows of the shade of the trees and pretend I’m painting just observe a highly sensitive being in a body that on wheels and she has to charge just like Captain Pike without the folks it’s going to help or are you trucking out there trekkies that’s right sorry if I misspelled or Miss spoken or if I’ve hurt your feelings please don’t read me again hahaha love and laughter and you feel the light of God upon your skin within your heart within your being and all around you at all times this is a enough.