the pain is unbearable.

yes the pain would be unbearable for most so I’m so strong and I’m so stupid I don’t know why God still has me here sometimes I so Wonder the god of my understanding is true. I watch so much and tears so much and experience so much on so many different levels I’m yet mostly I just sit on my porch and watch movies or get up and down trying to move away from the pain it’s all I’ve ever done is move away from the pain no longer or was anybody listening or no longer were they having the answers so I found a way to be sober and live with my arthritis wasn’t easy definitely wasn’t easy but now the pain is unbearable arthritis says nothing on this crying and screaming all these feelings all at once not to anybody other than just a body that’s not working not able to scratch cut my own toenails and nails reach the top of my head anymore yeah I might be on a pity pot but I might be just the fax man these are the facts and I’m supposed to look for the good things people want to feed me they want to be paid to be in my life people have got me alive now for over here Mississippi I’d like to be happy not sure what that means anymore with so much pain barely can remember a prayer or how to work the phone sometimes I hope my new hospice is a good hospice anyways I just needed to tell someone out there that I’m screaming and no one hears me I’m crying and no one sees me I’m in so much pain that I’d like to stick a knife in my my leg right now and it would feel better but hey I’m pragmatic so I’ll put on a happy face do and ask for what I can get today to try to make my life okay God bless you all and namaste thank you for those that love me and those that I’d love