Ageism the American way how women have been displayed at least this one.

A day in my life. I’m a little girl with a great big disease they told her long long time ago. She’s been losing her mind ever since trying to be the best at being her or whatever anybody needed her to be at the time. I can’t choose our family we can’t she’s a blood. But I remember a time when my mother was happy I thought just a moment when our family was heading out to the drive-in or maybe just a moment that you know she was f***** properly and and put away and she was told just the right things I don’t know maybe dad was just checking on to see if we were okay it just scary freaking b****. Now I’m a son of a b**** or a daughter of a b**** we don’t like to say those things but it’s true I come from a long line of masonic evil women that’ll kick you when you’re down and laugh at you when you you’re feeling rough. I was the pink elephant in the room. Mom blamed it on Dad Dad blamed it on everything life he liked alcohol gambling women just a regular Joe you know. At the time I believe he was a good man he died in 96 part of me died too. I think that’s what happens when you have grief and when you get old and when you have the apocalyptic view of an old woman or old man that scene way too much that knows way too much they can’t even say enough. During the pandemic I was locked in the house with my Mommy I thought a woman that has compromised my existence with her shame and blame and guilt that she brought into and was given as a child too. She was raised by her sister and slept in her sister and her sister’s husband bed until she was 18 that’s enough. I can tell you more but it’s her story I know that she can’t love like I do I know that she can’t feel like I do she doesn’t and it’s not able to cry my father wasn’t able to imagine it seemed it was up to me to save this miserable family. My oldest brother he sent the key went to debilit and we got to watch him graduate and be on the swim team everybody be proud of him I watched him be relied upon by my mother be put upon by the weight of being the son she loved the most. My next brother who is just 10 months younger than my other they had each other you know so they got to gang up on me and make me a girl I always say my body is by my brother cuz they gave me the old titty twisters and the pink bellies and Indian birds and I tried to keep up I tried so hard to be a part of a family that I was destined to always be a strange from. I knew that when I was old that I had to set up some type of system for a 9 years old they said I can go blind for 9 years old I took the horse by The rains got my social security card went to work on it every weekend and summer vacation winter vacation anything to keep me busy my mind could repeat anything and say anything at any time which is a dangerous thing for a secret society of family full of secrets. I wash my brother’s get beat I watched my mother’s eyes glow and her face smile when Daddy got home and she got her way I want you to do the same thing just with her dog how she would hurt her dog recently last year before the year of hell. Just another year another transient that’s what I am I’m a homeless woman running without legs screaming without a voice at the intention of a Nation lost in its own I am the 50 million Americans the PTSD the shell shocked the little girl that’s now an old woman and now she’s treated like s*** this s***’s supervising supervisor The observer from beyond all genders all boxes she’s lived in she’s walked on she’s walked out she’s walked and walked and and been told to run away and get out so many ways. So as I take these boots and my pants 👖 and wake up and share my thoughts with this computer as my computer writes to this computer so somebody can read it on a computer and we want her why we can’t pay 50 cent for a stamp and write a letter or a tape recording or anything like the old days when technology didn’t cost us an arm a leg hahaha. Our civil rights which are civil cuz I have none never have been shown that a long time ago when the era wasn’t ratified last year when we saw Macy’s parade wow f****** a black white gay straight they were all there transgender we were all there I wasn’t you know but the Shriners were so part of me was my historical reference. They like to use us in commercials look at this cute little kid oh look at this one from Africa hey Bill Gates I’ve had your food. I’ve dreamed the dreams of a philosopher and a prophetic princess I started my dreams in a very young age and it seemed to screw up the family completely. I was just a teeny little girl and I can feel what was going on and houses but I couldn’t explain them for a walk to school with my oldest brother and he got me to talk with him and walk with him and share with him and then he told me about the cold and how we could eat and get away from Mom and just stay away from the house all you can. So I became homeless so I married married I looked for anyone that needed me as much as all I needed to anyone anyone at all so they gave me a dog. Dead or alive I wanted I am stalked some say by the devil some say by Jesus Christ himself I don’t agree with either. I wake up knowing that my body is the way it is I wake up knowing that I have not had any kindness whatsoever. That each and every relationship I’ve ever been in new more about me and my historical reference at the Pink elephant that I have and it all started an allied gardens San Diego county in La Mesa where I was born on Park avenue and then they burned the building down they might not though with every thought at 6 months old I watched will we moved off of Twain. The first Catholic President had his head blown off we moved. I had a dream went to school did a seance all before first grade I had already been in the hospital I had already been farmed out to anyone at any time that could and would take care of me. I sat with my daddy we rocked a lot I remember when Daddy got his first lazy boy 💺 exciting day of rocking chair a new piece of furniture it was a really big thing to buy something new then in the 60s. I remember when we went downtown San Diego and mama said lock your doors were on market Street there were black people about we had to go to Pacific Bell and start our service at our new home on lake Angela isn’t that a beautiful name like Angela. A lot happened on lake Angela we lived on the corner on a certain time and day everything was perfect of course I kicked my brother in the nuts when I was a little girl near Easter when he said that his mama wasn’t my mama didn’t remember that until maybe this year always wondered. Yep wonders is a nickname of mine also puddles I think that is apropos for sure. I had a biker call me shortstop ones you know the Christian motorcycle types. It seems that they’re the only ones left we’re all waiting for Armageddon the apocalypse anything just make it happen Make it rain r e i n g make it r e I rain rain oh it sounds like I’m getting tired I hear it’s still Wednesday but I’ve begun cuz it’s all I got left is my voice and it changes sometimes it’s a bit Irish I like me Irish on. I’m a victim I’m a little girl I’m the nation’s daughter I’m the nation’s world I am daughter of many many fathers of many many Nations I hear except the nomination for presidential candidate wolf 2024 I asked you to write this in you the 50 million Americans that b**** and moan each year that we can’t decriminalize a certain weed the drugs they used on us that we could create war and make war and create money and make money and well we found a way decriminalize here today. I thought Obama would do it s*** I thought Clinton would do it at the time but at least she gave me my body within the first 24 hours he said I had the right to my body like a man had to do that and we had to write it into some freaking piece of paper like yeah Americans have always enjoyed their paper treaties and such. We are the egotistical salesman waiting for the great day the Black Friday sale the consumer consumed. Yes I was a truck driver yes I’m a minister yes I have healing hands I thought yes I do reiki integrated energy I’ve done so much roughing that I need to rough raw r o l f see even the computer can’t f****** understand me so why do I think anyone else could why did you think I was a brat did you really think I wanted the crap they gave me do you really think that they and their thoughts that were given to us are really true for us well I wonders for us I know it weren’t true that’s why I was always confused I had to go to my room come out with a new personality. As my brother’s check on me and I try to keep time I’m still tiny Tim I’m still having to get carried I’m still whining and crying from the pain I still can’t keep up or I’m running away there’s only fast and slow with me there’s no in between I tried to fake it till I made it and then I made a hell of a lot of sobriety. But just like sobriety your rights your civil rights unalienable right funny word my rights I’ve had done my power I have none. Yeah I can say no no no no no no no no more don’t hurt me no more but the computer can’t compute tears tears from heaven just like men can’t compute that’s why I’m here so they can talk to their dad so they can talk to their children so they can know so others can speak that we’ve saved. So we can be showed off and we can say hey donate now for they are less than they are the unfortunate they are the ones that fought for America and got old oh well they’re the ones that the husbands died and the children’s died and the women still hang on. So why aren’t we in the driver’s seat? I’m not saying it but the theory is where one bullet away that’s what they say as I’ve listened to all the political conversations on the porches I’ve made for the people to drink my coffee and for them to eat my food and so they could watch over me as I continue to lay on my hands to continue to be in a relationship to continue to continue to be continued…